So today is my birthday. Although it's not a decade milestone, from what I've heard from those who've gone before me, this one is supposed to be difficult. But really, I'm just joyful, happy even.
Last year my birthday wasn't so great. I didn't think it would be any big deal, but the day prior, a friend asked me, "How do you feel about turning x years old?" Unexpectedly, I teared up and said, "Huh. Life is very different than I thought it would be at this age." Still single and with "the smell of death" looming in a dating relationship, I was really sad. So I spent my birthday at the beach with a friend, just wishing that things were different.
Here I am, a year later, with unchanged circumstances. But my perspective has changed...a lot. Over the years, singleness has found me in seasons of contentment as well as deep ache. This year, though, the breakthrough has been that I actually believe that God is not apathetic toward my situation, nor is He withholding blessing. He's simply in this with me.
He is teaching me what it means to WAIT. He is teaching me that His unlimited patience is available to me even when I am tired of waiting. He has answered prayers over this past year that convince me that He is for me.
That "smell of death" that I sensed in the dating relationship was accurate. It wasn't long after my birthday last year that I told J. that I needed to move on. He asked if we could still keep in touch, and I said yes, with the prayer that God would use me in J's life to point to His greatness. In the end, we have a decent friendship. Once again, just last week, we had a conversation where I talked about what God has done, how He's answered specific prayers, and that the same is available to J. I couldn't have planned this any better.
Today I celebrate, not just because it's my birthday (although, admittedly, I'm like a little kid when it comes to such things), but because today is a reminder of all that God has done in the past year and continues to do.
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever -- do not abandon the work of Your hands." - Ps. 138:8
